Don't get me wrong, college. I still hate you, but now with nostalgic undertones. I loathe the fact that after pining for four years to get the hell out of you, I now miss you. I hate that you get away with false advertisement and propaganda; namely, the fact that I am now jobless, bored, confused and left without a future (damn you, o-chem!). In retrospect, I realize that working my ass off for four years, struggling to make a name out of myself with 500 other mindless jerks trying to get their grubby paws on my well-deserved advances (fuck you, grade curves!), should have given me a clue. It took me this long to realize 'HEY MORON, there are 1,000 people graduating from one of your majors alone, per year. Kiss your steady job employment prospects goodbye'.
Alas, I still had hope! Since I was a wee lass I've had teachers, counselors, parents, and other random, vaguely authoritative figures throughout my life ramming bullshit down my throat: college IS your future. FUCK. THAT. All college got me was a waste of four years as I try--nay, literally struggle, toil and battle to make ends meet in no-rent controlled, Hollywood fuck-up littered LA. I don't feel any smarter than when I left high school, I don't feel like I've "discovered" myself, I don't know what the hell I want to do in life and most importantly, I'm not making any money. In fact, if anything, I'm losing it by the hour (Hell-ooo, college loans! Hell-ooo, therapist! Hey, you'd need a therapist, too, after a 50-page genetics fill-in final.)
The other day, I went in for an interview at a lab and was turned down because my major was too "broad". Well, I'm so goddamn sorry, Major-Corporate-Laboratory-That-I-Fear-Will-Sue-The-Ever-Loving-Christ-Out-Of-Me-If-I-Mention-Their-Name. I'm sooo sorry that my school was so inconsiderate as to not be able to tailor to your employment needs. Next time, I'll make sure that they fund a "Girl who will work at desk with blood agar plates and bacteria" major just to be sure to make it perfectly concise for your comfort. Please, continue to disregard the 7 upper-level classes in biological laboratory work and bacteriology I toiled in. No, no, I understand quite clearly when you say "Fuck you and your two BAs, Maria. We have people with CLS degrees from DeVry." All I'm saying is why didn't anyone tell me that I could get away with a very, VERY decent job by going to technical school? WHY?
Despite all this. Despite the uselessness of my two degrees, despite the pissed-offedness that I experience every day when I am turned down a job because my major is too broad, or not broad enough, or that I have no experience, or too much experience, or that my hair isn't brown enough, or that it's TOO brown-- despite it all-- I fucking miss you, college. I MISS YOU. I miss my blissful laziness, my seemingly disposable income (aka, loans), my utter break from the maddening realities of life (note: responsibility). Hell, I even miss my 3X5 room that I could actually afford. I miss my friends the most, and I miss learning how to grow up, instead of actually being a grownup. I miss exploring things, I miss having enough time to care about issues, I miss being able to do something fulfilling and not feel like I'm wasting time. I miss having all the people I care about only a block away, I miss chatting online when I should be taking notes, I miss falling asleep in lecture only to be prodded by my best friend's pencil tip, I miss solving problems with the click of a button and most of all, I miss being able to say that I have all the time in the world to gather my dreams, goals, desires, endeavors and plans into neat little package called life. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that as cliche as it may sound, it really is about the little things in any situation. It's the little things about college that I miss so much. But don't get me wrong-- I still semi-half hate you, college. (I will never forget O-Chem).
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