I Hate You, College

I hate my 4X3 room. I hate my closet/desk/organizing area/half of room. I hate my 8-4 class schedule with shitty one hour breaks in between. I hate that I am voluntarily giving up money for this torture I’ve misled myself to believe is education.

I hate everything and anyone about organic chemistry. I hate you shitty carbon. DIE!

Calculus?? What happened??? Derivatives!! We were getting along so nicely!!! You were so easy to understand! Integrals you were an integral part of my life. But now you are so…complicated. You have series and sequences and things you DEMAND me to understand. But I am only person. I cannot figure out all of you! Let’s go back to the good old days and lovingly sketch graphs, hold hands and talk French. Ahh, mon cherie L’Hopitals….<3

Statistics disguised as Political Science. LIES! How COULD you?? I TRUSTED YOU! YOU HAD A HUGE READER! WHAT KIND OF A SUBJECT DOES THIS TO SOMEONE? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MY SPECIALTY. THE CLASS I COULD WALK INTO WEARING NOTHING BUT UNDERWEAR WITH HOLES AND MERRILY RATTLE OFF POLITICAL TERMS WITH SUCH GRANDEUR I WOULD BE WHISKED ONTO THE SHOULDERS OF MY LESSER ACADEMIC PEERS AND PARADED AROUND THE DEPARTMENT. Alas, I am tormented weekly by means, zeros, game theory, MATH! Sigh, can’t we find a median we can both work with? A couple articles or two? Words? Letters? ANYTHING!

And Spring Break. Thou hath abandoned me. I looked to you every year with pleasure. I need you. I yearn for you. But you have turned into something vile—dare I say it, loathsome! You are no longer an instrument of blissful college stupidity and drunken comfort. You are forthwith a wicked trap. You entice with promises of freedom, vulgarity and warm weather but underneath it all you are nothing but a silent nuisance! Because of you my last few weeks have been hell as all professors find it necessary to cram as much information, tests, mindless home work, quizzes and other torturous devices as they possibly can, just in case we end up with permanent intellectual scars after a whole week of academic depravity. And then, acting as if they have moved hundred ton mountains for us, they sit on their high chairs and reluctantly tell us they’re doing us a none other than a colossal favor and setting their pointless midterms AFTER spring break. And to think…these are the people who are investigating how to increase the quality of life.

College—sigh, you are not at all what I wanted you to be. You disappoint, dear old dream….